Without conditions...

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Being brokenhearted

is like having broken ribs:

on the outside it looks nothing's wrong,

but every breath HURTS..

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Compromising does NOT mean I'm wrong,

and someone else is right.

It only means that I value

RELATIONSHIPS

much more than

EGO

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They say a friend in need....

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It's funny how some people can utter those words..

Yet when you need the friend.. you are denied.

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And that IS life.

You will always be used / misused / abused in some ways.

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Even by friends
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The Reason .....

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I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is You

and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you 

~The Reason~

(Hoobastank)

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I'm just that.... a travelling guy

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Travelling boy

Wake up, my love, beneath the midday sun,

Alone, once more alone,

This travelin' boy was only passing through,

But he will always think of you.

One night of love beside a strange young smile,

As warm as I have known,

A travelin' boy and only passing through,

But one who'll always think of you.

Take my place out on the road again,

I must do what I must do,

Yes, I know we were lovers but a drifter discovers...

A travelin' boy and only passing through,

But one who'll always think of you.

Take my place out on the road again,

I must do what I must do,

Yes, I know we were lovers but a drifter discovers

That a perfect love won't always last forever.

I won't say that I'll be back again

'Cause time alone will tell,

So no good-byes for one just passing through,

But one who'll always think of you.

no good-byes

-Art Garfunkel-

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Crossroads...........

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I’ve got nothing on my mind: nothing to remember,

Nothing to forget. and I’ve got nothing to regret,

But I’m all tied up on the inside,

No one knows quite what I’ve got;

And I know that on the outside

What I used to be, I’m not anymore.

You know I’ve heard about people like me,

But I never made the connection.

They walk one road to set them free

And find they’ve gone the wrong direction.

But there’s no need for turning back

`cause all roads lead to where I stand.

And I believe I’ll walk them all

No matter what I may have planned.

Can you remember who I was? can you still feel it? 

Can you find my pain? can you heal it? 

Then lay your hands upon me now

And cast this darkness from my soul.

You alone can light my way.

You alone can make me whole once again.

We’ve walked both sides of every street

Through all kinds of windy weather.

But that was never our defeat

As long as we could walk together.

So there’s no need for turning back

`cause all roads lead to where we stand.

And I believe we’ll walk them all

No matter what we may have planned. 

~Don McLean~

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what's it worth to you...?

(dedicated to all those who have wondered where they are heading in any life's relationship)

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Part I

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I have heard many people say that they will rather lose a lover than lose a friend. A lover is easier to get or replace, but a true friend is difficult to find.

Simple acts of friendship means a lot

The fact is, most of our lovers are not real friends to us. Perhaps that is the main reason why so many lovers break up soon enough after the initial excitement. When the physical passion, lust and libido dies away (and it usually will), there is really nothing left to tie us to our lovers or even spouses at times, not even a proper friendship that should have been there in the first place. And so the search begins again for the next lover whom we think can give us the same excitement.

But is it worth all the time and effort?

I do not pretend to know the answer. Some may find it to be a challenge they want out of life. Others may feel it's just a waste of physical and emotional energy. Yet there are some who are able to take it all in their stride, one way or another. For sure, a whole lot of males (straight and gay) seem to go for the lovers route, simply because they have the idea that it is what makes them manly and have the (false) sense of self esteem as men.

In my experience, I know that if the relationship between two persons is based on real friendship, there isn't the sense of hidden physical passion or lust brewing below the surface (which will cause some underlying tensions all the time). My experience also taught me that real friendship is possible even between males and females with no sexual undertones. I've been through all that and not just once or twice..

Where the feelings are for men and women in "love"

The thing is, real friendship means there is absolute trust between the two persons. Lovers and even spouses rarely have this built into their relationships. Jealousies and insecurities are not a feature between real friends. Unfortunately, usually friendship between the opposite sex has fundamental hidden agendas. And unfortunately also, casual friendship between (gay or bisexual) males have this basic driving force. But at least both sides know exactly what they are into even though neither wants to admit it openly.

And then there is the ultimate complication of friendship between a straight person with a gay person. It doesn't matter whether it's between two guys or two girls. The complication can be overwhelming for both. Misunderstandings can often happen even with the slightest innocent act or word. So do we just forego such relationships?

Again, I do not have the answer. I don't even know the right questions to ask. But that such a friendship can even begin means that there is something more than a shallow obvious reason that most of us would tend to think of. And that something to me is perhaps the deeper connection in real companionship. The emotional satisfaction outweighs any other physical gratification, arguments and unintentional hurt if both sides can talk and discuss each other's needs and expectations rationally.

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Like most things in this life's journey, there aren't any concrete black and white rules to follow. My own guideline for having been out of the box since time immemorial is to believe and have faith in the fundamental values of being a fellow traveller.

Why shouldn't we make it a more pleasant and smoother journey?

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Till the next posting for Part II

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is this a journey's end.....?

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We travel without knowing the way forth.

And we come across many roads,

sometimes we even lose our direction.

Once in a while we meet someone who

can help and guide us to show us the way.

But even so, the guide has his own journey

and our paths can meet only momentarily.

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So let it be.

There shall be no regrets.

Even if there are river of tears,

they will just be water under the bridge..
And if we are lucky enough
they will be tears in heaven.

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So just travel in your journey
as I am travelling mine,
be thankful that you showed me things
I didn't know.
As I am grateful to be able to teach you things
you need to see.

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Hopefully within the silent lake of tears
you will see the rewards you desire:
And it was with gladness
that I have shown you the way there
as we travelled together for a moment.

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May you reap the happiness
that you seek for so long,
and may you share it with
those that you love.


Our journey is short,
but with joy, it will be fruitful.
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And as all goodbyes are in our destinies,
I am just glad I can say
that I have tried to show you
what that joy can be.





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The transformation..

I was happy the day Azam finally agreed

to change his hairstyle

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From this

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to this

He said he felt better after the change even though he had felt sad during the actual cutting of his lush locks

I think he looks more confident after the change.

Till the next posting~!!

Al-fatihah for my one and only flesh and blood brother...

On 21st April, my elder brother Marzuki passed away at 1:30am.

In a space of less than a month, I have lost 2 brothers : early this month it was my brother-in-law. Yesterday it was my own brother.

It makes one realises how fragile and short life can be.

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To my brother, may you be at peace..

al-fathihah

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Tiga Janda... (three divorcees)

Somewhere, sometime, and somehow ago...

Tiga janda... Munah, Minah, dan Fitnah.

..and so the story goes..

Till the next episode~~!

Reformatting................

Sometimes one needs to do this.

To make things go smoothly.

To rearrange crucial tasks.

Or to change things.

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(The hard disk is only an analogy)

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Till the next time~!

Al-fatihah to my brother-in-law....

Got a call from my cousin last night informing me that my late eldest sister's husband has passed on. An hour later, my niece called to inform me of her father's death.

Early this morning I took the LRT to Ampang where a friend staying in the area going to work in downtown KL picked and sent me to my brother-in-law's house in Maluri. There were already many friends and other relatives at the house when I arrived.

After giving my condolences and greetings to those I knew, I immediately sat by my brother-in-law's body and read the Surah Yassin from the small kitab my late father gave me. It was all that could be offered to the deceased.

I didn't go to the cemetery with the others to hear the rituals of the final farewells. It was enough I suppose, to have said it with sincerity and privately with my own offers of prayers after reading the Surah Yassin.

After the mandatory ablution and covering of the body and performing the final prayers for the deceased, they carried him into the hearse. I said my farewells to him as I stood behind the pall-bearers.

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Fear no more the heat o' the sun,

        Nor the furious winter's rages;

Thou thy worldly task hast done,

        Home art done, and ta'en thy wages:

Golden lads and girls all must,

As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.

Fear no more the frown o' the great;

        Thou art past the tyrant's stroke;

Care no more to clothe and eat;

        To thee the reed is as the oak:

The Sceptre, Learning, Physic, must

All follow this, and come to dust.

Fear no more the lightning-flash,

Nor the'all-dreaded thunder-stone;

Fear not slander, censure rash;

Thou hast finished joy and moan:

All lovers young, all lovers must

Consign to thee, and come to dust.

No exorciser harm thee!

Nor no witchcraft charm thee!

Ghost unlaid forbear thee!

Nothing ill come near thee!

Quiet consummation have,

And renownèd by thy grave!

~William Shakespeare~

It was a poem I remembered since schooldays. And I thought it was befitting to think life is a journey full of challenges. All the worldly cares and tribulations make way for something else when we pass on...

Once again, al-fatihah to the family.

Till the next posting~~!!!

Out with the old... in with the new...

It had to happen anyway.

The old trustworthy and excellent Philips 34" CRT tv finally gave up with a sigh.

It had served more than 20 years and survived 2 direct lightning strikes via the aerial.

The picture quality and colour fidelity was totally superb right to the last minutes of its life.

Other than its obscene bulkiness and insane weight, the tv set had everything else, including a built-in Bose subwoofer no less. And it was one of few sets with a dual tuner that lets you view pictue-in-picture, so you can see what's showing on a different channel while watching a main channel. Even more modern sets don't have this feature.

Anyway, it will be given to the Sri Sinar Charity to be recycled or reused. May it serve another purpose well..

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And then, we spotted this new model while browsing at Low Yat.

For its screen size, it is very reasonably priced, considering that it's LED and comes with a host of features not found on old models.

It's a Philips (not surprisingly!!) 42" 8000 series LED tv.

Hopefully this set will also serve for a good many years.

Many thanks to Chung who came by last Saturday to help configure its many (and confusing) settings in order to make it very clear and easy to use. He was very impressed with the Ambilight feature... hahahah.

Edi showing off the box of his new tv set. :)

Another pose with his new toy.. hehehe..

Time to watch all those HD 1080p movies / concerts given by Lemon..

~~FLASHBACK~~

(earlier on in Low Yat Plaza)
Pictures courtesy of Shin

Choosing a suitable model.

Shin wanted to pose with the box when it was taken out from the store

Lugging it back home with Mike
The sales assistant on the right (Kun) was more than friendly all the time.. hehehe

Till the next posting~~!!!

Happy Birthday to these guys (gals) in March~!!

Wishing you fellas a very happy birthday,

may your dreams come true

(one way or another)

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Birthday wishes go to the following for this month:

Raymond Ng

Mariam Marzuki

Lemon Tan

Azam Abd Rahman

Till the next posting~~!!

WTF... huhuhu~~~

No idea why I am posting this... hahaha..

My Janis Joplin "cousin"

For sale... (the earring)

Not entirely sure when was this as breakfast.. or why..

On my way to look as young as Cher..

Till the next posting~~!!

CNY lunch at FS's place on Day 4...

FS invited a small group to his house for lunch on Sunday, 6th February. Edi and I travelled by LRT to Pandan Indah where Ben picked us up. There were already many people on the road and LRT, all coming home from the festive holidays. Derrick and Ah Man was already at FS' house when we arrived.

What is CNY without oranges...

Host of the day...

Derrick and Ah Man

Derrick, Edi, Chung

Ben

Huhuhuhuhuu...

Chung

Drinks and titbits

 One for the album

(Picture courtesy of Derrick's camera)

I wasn't hoarding the titbits. Just keeping it safe from marauding cats and such..

(Picture courtesy of Derrick's camera)

We had a main meal of rice, sauteed vege julienne, drunken chicken rolls, and a pot of fish curry. As usual, none of us managed (or thought of) to take pictures of the food until the dessert came...

Fruit jelly that wobbled seductively

..and some kuih muihs..

... coffee too...

.. coffee was nice..

What was left of the jelly

This is called kuih goyang by the malays, because one has to shake the mould when it's being dipped in hot oil to dislodge it for frying

After lunch I wandered about his house...

A cute red bunny to welcome visitors

Deep pink peony

Throw pillow

Eternal flame

Two statuettes

A carved panel

Celestial strumming

Wayang kulit with pink accent

A flip-flap

Bedroom curtain.. cos you won't see colours in the dark..

Who says waste-bins have to be drab?

It goes "boink-boink-boink"..

Masked mirror, shy to reflect..

Flutterings

Thanks FS and belated happy birthday..

Till the next posting~~!!