what's it worth to you...?

(dedicated to all those who have wondered where they are heading in any life's relationship)

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Part I

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I have heard many people say that they will rather lose a lover than lose a friend. A lover is easier to get or replace, but a true friend is difficult to find.

Simple acts of friendship means a lot

The fact is, most of our lovers are not real friends to us. Perhaps that is the main reason why so many lovers break up soon enough after the initial excitement. When the physical passion, lust and libido dies away (and it usually will), there is really nothing left to tie us to our lovers or even spouses at times, not even a proper friendship that should have been there in the first place. And so the search begins again for the next lover whom we think can give us the same excitement.

But is it worth all the time and effort?

I do not pretend to know the answer. Some may find it to be a challenge they want out of life. Others may feel it's just a waste of physical and emotional energy. Yet there are some who are able to take it all in their stride, one way or another. For sure, a whole lot of males (straight and gay) seem to go for the lovers route, simply because they have the idea that it is what makes them manly and have the (false) sense of self esteem as men.

In my experience, I know that if the relationship between two persons is based on real friendship, there isn't the sense of hidden physical passion or lust brewing below the surface (which will cause some underlying tensions all the time). My experience also taught me that real friendship is possible even between males and females with no sexual undertones. I've been through all that and not just once or twice..

Where the feelings are for men and women in "love"

The thing is, real friendship means there is absolute trust between the two persons. Lovers and even spouses rarely have this built into their relationships. Jealousies and insecurities are not a feature between real friends. Unfortunately, usually friendship between the opposite sex has fundamental hidden agendas. And unfortunately also, casual friendship between (gay or bisexual) males have this basic driving force. But at least both sides know exactly what they are into even though neither wants to admit it openly.

And then there is the ultimate complication of friendship between a straight person with a gay person. It doesn't matter whether it's between two guys or two girls. The complication can be overwhelming for both. Misunderstandings can often happen even with the slightest innocent act or word. So do we just forego such relationships?

Again, I do not have the answer. I don't even know the right questions to ask. But that such a friendship can even begin means that there is something more than a shallow obvious reason that most of us would tend to think of. And that something to me is perhaps the deeper connection in real companionship. The emotional satisfaction outweighs any other physical gratification, arguments and unintentional hurt if both sides can talk and discuss each other's needs and expectations rationally.

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Like most things in this life's journey, there aren't any concrete black and white rules to follow. My own guideline for having been out of the box since time immemorial is to believe and have faith in the fundamental values of being a fellow traveller.

Why shouldn't we make it a more pleasant and smoother journey?

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Till the next posting for Part II

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